life and decisions

I had a hard time giving my testimony yesterday to my fellow Prodigy members. I had so much on my mind, but felt like I was talking in circles. I hope they understood what I was trying to say.
I basically grew up in a church and school with VERY hypocrytical people. I felt like I had to watch my step everywhere I was going and if I did something or said ONE word out of place, that I would be chastised for it.
Don't get me wrong, I grew up in a really nice home, but it was hard to make people realize that the pastor's family messes up at times. There were arguements with my sister and mom going psycho, and I felt that I couldn't be myself without people looking down on me. I hated having to wear dresses all the time and put on a smile when I felt angry or sad.
The people I hung around with made Christianity look bad. They would throw their money in the offering plate while they gossip about the person sitting a few rows behind them. I basically didn't know what I believed anymore and why. I just got my "christianity" on Sundays and never realized that God really wanted a relationship with me and wanted my time.
Once I got into college, I enjoyed making friends and being on my own, but I soon ran into trouble and made a mess of myself. I made a lot of mistakes, and I was afraid to ask God for forgiveness because I would just do it again, and I was living a life of guilt.
I learned a lot about God during college days. They weren't all bad, and I was able to talk to a counselor who helped me through all the baggage. I made awesome friends and and have many good memories.
After I got out of college, my family moved to a little town called Lyndonville. Yates Baptist has been the best church that dad has EVER had and he's still there. The people are the friendliest and the most welcoming people I have ever met. They accept me for who I am and for that, I appreciate them. Lyndonville is also where I met Chad, my husband. Chad became my best friend and I felt so comfortable and honest with him.
After marriage December 14, 2001, we moved to Batavia where we found our own church family at Northgate Free Methodist Church. We were able to find a college and career group called Prodigy and we have been there ever since. I began teaching Pre-K and just recently, I have joined mothers of pre-schoolers.
Through all of this, I have learned that God wants MY time. I could go through all the motions of attending church, ministering to people, and looking like I have it all together, but God wants ME. He says, "COME TO ME ALL YE WHO ARE WEARY AND HEAVY LADEN, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST."
I DON'T have it all together half the time, and I really struggle giving up my time to spend it with God. It's all about being "real" and honest with people, and I think that if Christians learned to do that, people wouldn't be so turned off from us.
I live knowing I have hope through Jesus. There are many things that I don't understand about the Bible and God, but I DO know that God loves me and I will have a home with Him someday.
My life verse is Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord.... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.